Every day is filled with self-reflective thoughts. Many people have positive self-talk days and negative self-talk days. Those contradictory communications can even range from hour-to-hour, or minute to minute. The moment when enough is enough is the time to pull out all the resources.
When individuals engage with a coach, they are generally looking to make a significant change. These changes often fall into the categories of career, relationships, personal attachments, and habits they want to reject. People want to move from where they are to where they envision they can go.
To start moving toward a vision is generally a three-step process:
“I wish . . .”: These statements, whether self-talk or a discussion with friends, are integral and juicy slices from your pie of life. By realizing that saying “I wish” is a declaration of a current life juncture. An individual is at a place in life where change is needed for continued happiness. Here are some common themes of “I wish”:
- I wish I could be more on time.
- I wish I could let go of the anger around my ex.
- I wish I could exercise more often.
- I wish I could spend more time with my daughter.
- I wish I could get promoted.
“I will . . .”: Bridging the gap between “I wish” and “I am” happens by proclaiming the “I will” statements. Engaging with “I will“ strategies is a call to action. Verbally stating and then following up with the settled plan. For example:
- I will set multiple alarms throughout the house to ensure I make the necessary transitions to get out of the house on time. I will avoid social media until the evening.
- I will acknowledge and accept the intense emotions of being dumped. I will write myself a letter detailing my excellent qualities and the positivity I brought to the relationship. I will acknowledge I can only control myself, and only I can control my emotions. I will talk with a trusted friend and ask for support when I get down on myself.
- I will set aside 30 minutes, three days a week, at 6:00 PM to go outside and walk.
- I will schedule a dinner every Thursday evening to have a one-on-one dinner with my daughter. I will not engage with my phone (unless it’s an emergency) during our time together.
- I will take careful notes of my successes and challenges. I will request a monthly meeting with my supervisor to review my accomplishments and outline the next steps to my promotion.
“I am . . .”: Once the strategy has had time to work its magic, the “I am” affirmation is the last step. Even after clients have experienced fantastic success in their transformation, they often carry the baggage of previous actions or lack of actions. Creating “I am” affirmations, both mental and physical (I like creating 3”x5” affirmation cards for this purpose), really solidifies continued progress
· I am on-time more often than not.
- I am no longer angry at my ex.
- I am fit and have the energy for my family.
- I am the parent my children look forward to spending time with.
- I am ready for a promotion.
It’s a process that can take days, weeks, months, or years, but the process works.
What can you use this process to change? How can you bridge the gap between “I wish” and “I am”?
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